QB Dad

Daughter's Day

2009-05-07T17:02:00.002-04:00

We set out on our trek to find the perfect Mother's day gift for mom. Like a good hubby, I have already bought her gift weeks ago. We need the penultimate 4 year old to Mom gift. What do we get?
Nicole suggests a candle.
Good choice.
We have to smell every candle in three different stores.
My nose may never work again for days. I have been assaulted with cinnamon buns, sour apples, strawberries, and all manner of olfactory annoyances. We settle on a cherry jelly bean smell and some other vanilla mix concoction. By this time my nose had put out picket signs and went on strike. I am glad I have a unionized nose, my contract allowed for only 100 total sniffs.
I said, "Do you like you Mother's day gift for Mommy?"
"Sure." Then she adds, "When is daughter's day?"
The kid sure knows how to work the crowd.

I love my little Italian

2009-04-17T07:52:00.002-04:00

My little girl definitely has Italian blood. She talks in the most animated ways while telling a story.
She waves her hands.
She gestures.
She's Italian.
She's beautiful and sweet.
She comes by it honestly.

Back to Work.....in Several Ways

2009-04-15T11:00:00.002-04:00

Mickey Mouse has issues.

2008-05-29T11:57:00.003-04:00

The little one has a collection of Mickey Mouses (Mickey Mice) of all different sizes. She likes the life size Mickey the best, well it is her life size.

She holds him and pretends like they are dancing. She even refers to him as 'my king.'

Well good luck with that. If he hasn't committed to Minnie in 80 years, I am not sure he is ever going to be anybody's king. We are talking about a mouse with serious commitment issues. Of course, his best friends are a duck with equal commitment issues and a very tall, dorky dog with a speech impediment.

Mickey is perpetually twelve years old. He needs to grow up eventually and join the real world. But then again, he is filthy rich! Maybe if you are that rich, you don't have to grow up.

I'd still live in a clubhouse, if I was stinking rich.

He can do it!

2008-05-23T06:50:00.002-04:00

My in-laws are staying with us this week. I get along great with them so it is not that much of a hardship. My pa-in-law also likes to fix things....added bonus.

A cabinet didn't close perfectly. Grandmom said "Maybe Grandpop can tighten that screw."

Nicole (3) says "We'll get Grandpop to screw it up."

Out of the mouth of babes.......

A Danish friend of my family says only children and drunks are completely honest.

I AM SOMEBODY!

2008-05-06T16:46:00.002-04:00

Man, I feel important.

Since Sunday, I have been called by Hillary twice, Barack once, Bill C. once and Chelsea C. once.

I realize that now all political people are stuck up. They wouldn't even answer my questions. I tried to be nice to them, but they wouldn't listen.

Makeovers....

2008-05-05T08:38:00.002-04:00

The little one looks at me yesterday while holding one of her dolls and says "she needs a makeover."

Right then it hits me how our television watching has changed. TLC, HGTV, A&E, Discovery, and the Food Network are our only safe havens. Gone is any semblance of violence or sex.....Darn. Maybe, we ought to shoot the tv all together, we only watch it from 8-10 at night on most days anyway. Of course, I tell my wife we watch The View everyday.

I am interested in one thing about the doll makeover --- What will she do with the molded plastic hair?

I am Ironman.......

2008-05-03T15:37:00.002-04:00

Taxes, homework, deadlines, lining up gigs, potty training.... I hate when real life gets in the way of fun. I haven't blogged for a month. Kept meaning to, just didn't. No excuses (other than the ones listed above).

I love superheroes. Mostly movies and an occasional cartoon. Don't read the comic books anymore since they don't cost 25 cents. I am pumped about Ironman. Been singing the Ozzy song and cheering for the trailer when it rolls on tv.

Kid conversation in the car Thursday.

"Does Ironman sew?", said my three year old.

"What," said Mr. Clueless.

"Does Ironman sew? she repeated.

"Honey, I don't understand what you are asking," says Professor Potty (me).

"Does he sew or just iron?", said Super Pee-Pee Girl.

I almost wrecked the car in my laughter. She wanted to know what I was laughing at. I told her I just remembered a funny joke. I can't bear the thought of laughing at her. That shouldn't bother me, since some day she will be laughing at my dress socks with sneakers. Or my tube socks with the colored hula hoops around the top. Or my.........

We are different.....

2008-04-01T09:14:00.003-04:00

Our little star says "But Mommy lets me."

I reply sarcastically, "Do I look like Mommy?"

She says, "No, she has long hair."

I am glad she noticed. Being follically challenged, I am glad she gave me some credit. She could have said "No, she has hair."

The Education of a Three Year Old

2008-03-28T07:24:00.003-04:00

She was ready to get up from dinner. I knew this because she yelled "I am ready to get up" as Mommy and I talked about the day at the table.

I sternly told her "you need to learn patience." Her answer gives me hope......

She said "I'll learn on Monday."

WooHoo, only three more days till she learns patience.

Super Science Thursday- Beer Streamers

2008-03-27T14:11:00.002-04:00

Super Science Thursday- odd ramblings on science topics. A new topic appears every Thursday (that's why it's called SS Thursday)

Where do beer streamers come from?
Beer is a lovely liquid that gives many men the ability to dance, or at least try. Beer also offers several lessons in science. Pour beer into a glass and watch the bubbles form. The bubbles will form beer streamers, tiny rising rivers of bubbles that will originate from a few points inside the glass. Their mesmerizing dance as they rise to the surface captures our attention. What causes them and why do they rise?
The bubbles are formed when carbon dioxide molecules begin to form invisible microbubbles at imperfections on the inside wall of the glass, or possibly at dirt particles inside the glass. Once enough of these microbubbles join forces, they will begin their hypnotic rise to the surface. These imperfections are in the glass are called nucleation points. The bubbles actually grow in size as they rise since the pressure from the liquid decreases. And of course, the bubbles rise because they are gas, which is less dense than the liquid. The same observation can be seen in champagne and clear sodas. The formation of these bubbles is similar to clouds forming by water vapor condensing around dust particles.
An interesting note, beer bubbles rise slower than champagne bubbles. This was first studied by Leonardo DaVinci in the 1600’s as he studied bubbles rising in various liquids. The streams of bubbles will cease when the beer becomes flat. The study of beer bubbles would be a perfectly reasonable graduate school topic. I mean if DaVinci could get away with it, we ought to be able to. You could even get a PhD in Physics someday by studying rising beer bubbles. You can even see a rarer phenomenon, falling bubbles of beer, if you drink enough……

Another candle.......

2008-03-25T15:58:00.002-04:00

A year older as of yesterday for me. Too many candles to be safely lit except in the parking lot of a fire department. Even then they would need a pump truck at the ready. The problem is that I don't feel old and have to do simple math to calculate my age.

As you age your ideas of fun change.
A raucous party, no.
Too many beers and a pounding head, no.
Full contact mixed martial arts with the boys, no.
Three hours of loving, touching, squeezing, no.

Birthday at my age........
A family trip to Horton Hears a Who. The advantage to being my age and watching the movie is I know all the words to 'I can't fight that feeling.'

Movie question.....
Who has a bladder large enough to hold an entire 300 ounce large soda? Are 300 ounce sodas part of a sinister movie plot to get you to see the movie twice. I just know that I am going to have to pee at the crucial plot twist.

SST- Ear and Nose Hair for Men

2008-03-20T06:23:00.003-04:00

Super Science Thursday.
A new feature will be the SST. A question followed by the best science answers known to mankind. And if I can't find a good answer, I'll just make one up. A new topic will appear each Thursday.

For men-----Why hair will eventually grow out of your nose and ears?

Well actually hair has been in those places all along. Nose hair serves as a filter for the air we breathe in. In a dust storm, we could easily close our mouths. But closing your nostrils is downright hard. So nature built in a little air filter. Ear hair also is designed to keep junk out of the ear canal. Most men just realize that their head holes will become full of hair as they age. We pluck, we trim, we cut, we tweeze, and it just keeps growing back. You can have permanent hair removal done, but most guys won’t. The amount of medical research into ear and nose hair is surprisingly scant, so I’ll just give you my two theories. If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with…..

First theory, the adult body has a certain amount of hair follicles for its entire life. As you age, follicles migrate. Some inner working of the body causes you to lose hair on the top of your head and gravity causes it to migrate south. As it migrates south, it ‘vacations’ in warm, moist places like the nose and the ears. This is similar to going to the beach when you were younger, a wet, warm place to hang out. So the nose and ear are like going to the French Riviera for hair follicles. Only the lucky follicles get to hang out at the beach, until they get attacked by a giant weed eater called a nose hair trimmer. The problem with this theory is that the hair follicles also migrate to your back, which would be more like the dessert. Of course in the US, many old people move to Arizona, Vegas, and Palm Springs. So maybe the hair follicle migration theory makes sense.

Second theory, warm moist areas grow hair better. The nose and the ear are both, so they make fertile area for growing hair. Most plants grow best in warm moist areas, so this makes sense. You can think of back hair as cacti and aloe plants. The warm moist theory postulates hair will always grow in the nose and ears, it just becomes noticeable as we age. It was always present, but our thick head of high school hair distracted people away from focusing on it. Each day our head gets baked in the sun and dries out a little. The warm moist hair just keeps growing along. As we lose hair on our scalp, the hair growing from the nose and ear becomes noticeable. By mid-life, it is far more noticeable because of less competition.

The actual reason of shifting hormone levels isn’t nearly as much fun as making up theories. Any professional research scientist reading this might want to consider writing a grant to study this offensive hair. You can start with my two theories. Until then, I’ll be tweezing away on the forest of hair growing from each nostril.

Some people tweeze, cut, or use miniature weed eaters to attack the hair. A few just let it grow. My grandfather was comfortable enough in himself to just let it go. You reach an age where holding your water till you reach the bathroom is far more important than trimming unsightly hair. Younger people letting it grow can be thought of as ‘nose hair hippies.’

iTunes......

2008-03-18T19:26:00.002-04:00

The best commercial on tv right now is the Viagra commercial filmed in Nashville at 1:22 AM. It makes me laugh, is believable and has a catchy song.

Viva Viagra,

Viva Viagra..........

The catchy song got stuck in my head and I like to sing out loud. I suck, but I still sing. Yesterday, Nicole pipes up with her rendition of the song as we are driving somewhere. Not good. Not good at all. I can just imagine her busting loose with that song somewhere to embarrass me. I need to find a new song. Any ideas?

On a related note, why do the words erectile dysfunction make most guys laugh? Actually some laugh....and some are taking a pill.

Ready or Not.......

2008-03-17T05:33:00.002-04:00

Nicole has really gotten into hide and seek lately. Several times a day we have to play for ten minutes. She covers her eyes and starts counting. The trick is you never know what number she will stop on. Sometimes she only gets to three before she is off to find me.

Last night was even funnier. She played with a giant stuffed Pooh. She would hide Pooh around a corner then return to the room. She covers her eyes and counts away. She would then search for Pooh. Shocking fact is she always found him. My daughter is a genius. I can't wait till she starts playing tag by herself.

V-8 causes hair to grow?

2008-03-14T08:00:00.002-04:00

My wife loves V-8.

I can't stand the stuff. Makes me want to scratch my eyes out and I don't have fingernails.

My daughter is taking after her mom. I now treat V-8 like desert. You can have some after you finish your peas...............it's still working. I do wonder if it will still work when she goes to school. Some evil kid is going to break the news to her. Santa and V-8 tasting good will be history.

Yesterday while watching Star Wars 2: Attack of the Clones, my darling piped up with 'Obi-Wan has hair just like Mommy has'. He does have a full head of hair. To me, it looks like a white Oprah hairdo in the movie.

The Star Wars movies are actually very kid friendly except for Revenge of the Sith. It is too dark for a kid.

Bumper sticker I spotted recently

Come over to the dark side.....

We have cookies!

First Dates!!!!!!!!

2008-03-06T08:01:00.002-05:00

I fear the day that my daughter starts dating........

At two and a half, I had my first real scare. We were out to eat at that four star kid’s restaurant McDonalds, when she looked across the aisle at a little blonde four year old boy. The next words to escape her lips will haunt me for life—‘he’s cute’. My life flashed before my eyes as I instantly saw her grow up. Images of a sixteen year old boy trying to unhook her bra scared me. I decided at that point that she was never going on a date without me. We’ll double date with her until she is thirty. The problem with that theory is that means she will probably live home forever.

A conversation started with the four year-old’s dad over the next thirty minutes. We might be the only people under the age of sixty to ever spend that much time in Mickey D’s. The two kids played together on the play equipment and had a great time. Nicole was chuckling at everything Logan said. My god, she was flirting with him. Do some women leave the womb with the ability to flirt? HELP. We had a lot in common with the parents and set up an adult triple date. I realize now we are enabling her.

The six of us went out for pizza later that week. I swear my little girl was asking Mommy for makeup as we dressed. The courtship started as soon as Logan showed up. Nicole looked at him but wouldn’t say a word. He was crushed. He did everything to get her to talk. Not a word. She was playing hard to get!! I don’t understand women, matter of fact, no guys I know understand women. After having a daughter, I realize that women are just born different. Not just the equipment is different, but their brain is different. Women have the innate ability to reel us into their clutches. Nicole was a spider and Logan was the fly. At least that is the way it started.

That all changed later that night. We went back to our house. A house is no longer the appropriate term; we went back to our 2600 square foot toy box. Logan and Nicole played together and were having a great time. I better get used to this, since we will go on all dates with her. A grand time was had by all until Logan said the words that have haunted my dreams ever since. Logan said “I want to take you somewhere you have never been.” My god, I used those same words at my prom to entice an unsuspecting fly into my web.

Rainy days and toy-nadoes

2008-03-04T13:21:00.003-05:00

Rain sucks, unless you are a duck, or a plant, or a fish, or a carpenter (you get the day off), or a gutter salesman, or an umbrella salesman, or Noah, or a.......

Okay, I give up. Rain doesn't suck after all. Being stuck inside all day has caused my living room to get hit by a toy-nado (Thanks for the name Jared (Dadthing)). A whirling, spinning, Tasmanian Devil that I call my daughter. She can absolutely destroy our house in a manner of minutes. I think she will make a good building imploder when she gets older.

I beg my relatives and friends....no more stuff for her toy kitchen. I know the super cute 110 piece package of kitchen goodies looks like a great gift on the shelf. But after I step on 104 pieces in my bare feet, the goodies look like hell and my feet hurt. I almost dread the day when she gets into Legos.....

When I was a kid, Legos came in five varieties and you had to use some imagination. Legos come in 12,245,764 different shapes now. You just follow the directions now and build everything. If you don't believe me on the number of different pieces, go to Toys r Us and look at all the kits and add up the toy pieces.

Another snot jingle!

2008-03-01T19:18:00.001-05:00

Country version- I've got friends with runny noses, where the mucus drowns and the tissues chase the snot away.........

My book is here!

2008-03-01T18:54:00.003-05:00

The first copy of Quarterback Dad: A Play-by-Play Guide to Tackling Your New Baby showed up in the mail today!!!! The book was two years in the making, but it is finally here. The publishing business can be maddeningly slow at times, but holding your book is almost like holding your baby for the first time........an indescribable joy. Writing the outline, finding an agent (the world's greatest by the way), finding a publisher, haggling over contract issues, rewrites, and a ton of nervous wait time to see it in print.

Coming soon to a bookstore near you! Take a peak at http://www.quarterbackdad.com/ to see more. Quarterback Dad is your perfect guide to go from rookie father to Hall of Fame Daddy! Tell all of your friends. Awww heck, tell everybody in the free world. Let's even tell people in the non-free world. Do they play football in China?

The first review came a few days ago. It will be in the June issue of a major pregnancy magazine. It is great, but I promised the editor I won't print it until the issue ships.

3 gallons of snot and blog politics

2008-02-28T10:21:00.002-05:00

The little one is under the weather. Full speed one minute and down for the count the next minute. It is amazing the amount of snot that can come out of a three-year-old's nose. My gosh, if there was a market for this stuff all parents could be rich. We are talking Bill Gates rich! Please, if anyone has a use for snot (or dirty tissues), just let me know. We can go into business together.

It could be fun to write the jingle for our snot company.

Nostalgic (based on an old tv ad)- You may think it's butter, but it's snot.
Happy (sung to the tune of Raining Men)- It's raining snot, hallelujah, it's raining snot.....
Religious- Amazing Snot, how sweet the sound, that blew a nose like me.........
I better quit before the lightning strikes!!!!! I'll come up with a few more for next week.

Politics
Reading other blogs, it amazes me that people think they can sway your vote by attacking another candidate. My momma always said 'you catch more flies with honey then vinegar.' Name calling worked in the third grade, but aren't legal voters older than that? Be nice and explain why your candidate is better and then we can have a discussion.

Singing Crayons

2008-02-22T05:36:00.002-05:00

Singing Crayons, sounds like a great name for a 1980s punk band.

Nicole spent all day yesterday walking around holding a crayon like a microphone. Immediately after her nap, she wanted to know where her 'singing crayon' was. She picked it up and started belting out a tune. She also stacked up a set of foam floor pads and made a mini stage. She makes us laugh.

She also judges all dresses by how good they are at twirling. She puts on a dress and twirls around, often corkscrewing herself into a pile. She then says "this is a good twirling dress." Do we have the next American Idol on our hands? Or the next Britney Spears? I think I'll let her do this at home, but never encourage her to hit the stage. The bright lights haven't been to kind to Britney.

Operation Wee-Wee Day Two
Three hits
One Miss, but she spent most of the afternoon in diapers because of an extra long nap and we went out to eat. Not brave enough to let her pee on the restaurant chairs.

Operation Wee-Wee

2008-02-21T06:11:00.003-05:00

Day one of hardcore potty training began. We have tried a few times before, but let her go back to diapers after a few hours. She would scream and ask (no, she was demanding) for diapers. We have decided to go cold turkey, other than sleeping hours. Since she sleeps with us, that may be awhile. No Potty Training for Dummies Books for us. We just decided to do it on our own.

Yesterday's scorecard
2 Hits
8 Misses
1 Load of Laundry

Man, this kid pees alot!!! How can a thirty pound kid create so much bodily waste. I thinks she peeed her entire body weight. How do you spell the word 'peeed'? That can't be right, but it looks cute.

I have heard that there exists plastic panties that contain the offensive liquid, but have been unable to find any. She just keeps leaving puddles all over the floor. I am glad we have hardwood floors.

I'm no Martha Stewart

2008-02-17T17:49:00.002-05:00

I am not a very good cook. I can follow directions, but I have no flare. My brother has flare, He can throw things in a pot and come out with a great meal. If I throw things in a pot, we would just save time to throw the entire pot out before anyone is forced to eat any.

Tonight's menu
Home made chicken soup and home baked bread. All done by yours truly.

Kicker......
Soup is a prepackaged mix that was home made by someone else. Although I did cook the chicken and put it all in the pot, thank you very much. The bread was also a prepackaged mix that came from the store. Although I did put it in the bread-maker and turn it on, thank you very much.

On the household front, Nicole was helping Mommy "orgarize" her books today. We laughed and figured anything to help her put her books away was good. The kid has more books than your local library!

Rainy days suck......................, unless the little one takes an extra long nap.
Wink, Wink, Say no More.

House Cleaning

2008-02-14T13:14:00.002-05:00

Nicole (3) grabs the dustmop and says "I like cleaning".

Dad grabs a camcorder and records that saying. I figure I can use that in a few years when I ask her to clean her room.

I wonder if I could play it at night when she is sleeping and subliminally send her a message. If that works, I will add "I like homework, Science is my favorite class, and Always ask Mom for money."

Then when she turns twelve I'll add "I don't want to date till I'm nineteen". I worry that the no dating strategy might backfire and leave her living in our basement when she is thirty.

Living in the dog house...

2008-02-10T11:05:00.001-05:00

I'm in the dog house again.

Nicole said "I have boogers in my nose."
Dad answered "Boogers live in your nose, we could actually call your nose a booger house."
A dirty look ensued from my wonderfully charming wife. The look that puts me in the dog house (for at least a few minutes). I actually think it would be funny if she called it a booger house in school. I think even the teacher would laugh and the world needs more laughing teachers.

Kibbles-n-Bits, I'm gonna get me some Kibbles-n-Bits...............

Silly Walks and Other Ramblings

2008-02-08T17:20:00.000-05:00

Been silent on the blog front due to grad school, book writing, and baby-watching.

Silly Walks-
Nicole just started walking around differnt ways this morninga s she was picking up her toys. My god, she was actually picking them up. Usually Hurricane Nicole works in the opposite direction. She usually destroys the house in a manner of minutes, but today she was putting her play kitchen food away while amusing herself (and me) with funny walks. She would quickly stomp on one trip, tiptoe on the next. I tried to get her to moonwalk, but that didn't work. Her funniest was the extremely long steps, she almost fell over. But it worked to get her to clean up her toys. I will definitely try that again. I also might need to call the Ministry of Funny Walks.

Joking Me-
All week long whenever I get her laughing she says "You're joking me." I know she is missing a few words, but I like the way she says it.

TV Watching-
I saw a KD Lang ad for her new CD. I like her music, but in the ad she looks just like Johnny Cash six months before his death. Now if she would just sing Ring of Fire I would love it.

I fell into a burning ring of fire...........

Let's take a walk.......

2008-02-01T20:47:00.000-05:00

"Is this a walking road" asked Nicole.

"No, it's called a sidewalk", said Dad.

"I think I will call it a walking road", she answered.

Stubborn (but cute), she gets both traits from her Mom. Stubborn and cute from Mom, no rhythym and a love of ice cream from me.

Snow Dream and Dancing Girls

2008-01-28T16:56:00.000-05:00

Growing up in Florida, I have to admit I like snow. Of course, I live in NC, not upstate NY. I find myself this time of year addicted to the weather websites looking for a chance of snow. They may predict it ten days from now and I get my hopes up. The meteorologists are always right aren't they????

From watching the weather websites, I realize why we have a home mortgage problem in this country. It is all because of the annoying, ugly, uncoordinated dancing girl that haunts my computer. Anyone who clicks on that link to get a mortgage is guaranteed not to understand their ARM terms. The entire mortgage crisis is due to a cheesy dancing computer girl created by a nerd-boy who has never had a date.

Solution to the mortgage dilemma is to get a nerd-boy a date. Congress needs to get this boy a date. No more home mortage problem. People can continue to max out their credit cards, because house values will continue to rise. The economy will run great. Of course, this also means that we buy more Chinese toys made with lead paint. China gets richer and our kids develop brain damage. On second thought, I just need to put up with the idiotic dancing girl (or take an economics class).

Early Geometry Lessons

2008-01-24T05:44:00.001-05:00

We were playing yesterday (while learning about shapes) when my star unequivocally states that "a square is a baby rectangle". That is a neat concept and if I ever teach math it will be a concept I use.

Right now, we are in the mommy, daddy, and baby phase. Everything must be in groups of three. Then she proceeds to name them. We have mommy banana slices, daddy banana slices, and Nicole banana slices. She does this with everything. How do I explain to her that some babies have two mommies or two daddies?

Percussive Maintenance.....

2008-01-21T05:34:00.000-05:00

Our house is possessed. The smoke detector from hell is at it again. It starts chirping in the middle of the night about every minute. The problem is that it quits during the day. And it doesn't do it every night, just when I am trying to sleep. We have new smoke/carbon monoxide detectors, the chirping one is the 1990 version that was built into the house (and not needed). And it is hard wired into the house, no batteries. It even gives you a written warning that it won't work if the power is off. That makes me feel real safe. It's kept me awake since 4 and if it wasn't for a sleeping toddler, I would have already taken a 6 pound sledgehammer to it. Let me think, metal hammer and live electricity, sounds safe to me.

To Do List for Monday
1. Whack the piss out of the smoke detector once Nicole is awake.
2. Take a nap while Nicole is sleeping.

I realize that if I could write like Stephen King, I could turn this into a book and a movie deal. I'll post tomorrow, if I survive.

Snow, Snow, Go Out in the Snow!

2008-01-19T06:37:00.000-05:00

Watching a three year old enjoy the snow for the first time was a blast. We haven't had snow for four years, so it was a blast for ma and pa too. She ran out all bundled up and bent down to grab a handful. It was cold, wet and fun to throw. Built an eighteen inch high snowman that was more fun to knock over than build. We built three and all three got knocked over by her. I already knew she was into demolition, just take a look at our living room!! A few trips on the sled brought howls of laughter. But, the thing she liked the best puzzled me. She plopped down on her side and slowly rolled down the hill. Over and over, laughing all the way. We came in, warmed up, and went back out an hour later. Whee, I hope we get more today!!!

The last baby shower gift.

2008-01-12T10:26:00.000-05:00

Our little superstar turns three next week. What a great three years it has been. Three and a half years ago, I was just an ordinary guy. Within a few months, I was transformed into Super Dad (superhero noise). Three days before her third birthday, we also passed another milestone. We dressed her in the last of her baby shower gifts! A cute little long sleeve 'Life is Good' shirt. It was a gift from my best friend. He is the greatest, but he was very clueless in the kid department. He is starting to understand kids as he watches my star grow, but he still probably can't pick the right size clothes. But at least he will finally get to see her in his baby gift.

The ultimate football baby toy!!!

2008-01-09T22:05:00.000-05:00

I went shopping tonight for a friend whose daughter turns one next week. He is an absolute football nut. He might even top my love of the game. I found his daughter the perfect gift. It is called The Touchdown Rider. It is a stand-up-scoot-along-the-floor-with-your-feet-toy. But the kicker is.......it looks like a giant football. Ages 1-3, so it is perfect for his little quarterback. My wife gave me grief and said it was more for Matt than Hana. I don't think so, Matt is too big to ride it!! My star actually turns three next week or she would have one. I may go back and buy them all for gifts to future quarterback dads.

You're a mean one...

2008-01-07T10:15:00.000-05:00

My little star looked at me this morning and said that I was the big Grinch and she was the little Grinch. She the proceeded to tell me she was the cartoon Grinch.

This doesn't surprise me based on what she has said the last few days. Every time she did something wrong in the last few days, I would correct her. She would then explain to me that she was "bad just like the Grinch". Of course, I would explain that the Grinch became good eventually. So, maybe she will never again do any bad things.

I personally like the cartoon grinch better, but she made the choice already for me. I sure wish I knew all the words to the Grinch song.....................

A New Year and a Trip Back to the Tree Farm

2008-01-03T05:00:00.000-05:00

A new year has somehow happened. We had company New Year's Eve and they have a three year old, so it was a little different than a traditional party. We blew noise makers and hooted and hollered at 9, in case the girls fell asleep. They made it to 12:01 with a little prodding. I made it till 12:02.....................

Yesterday, we told Nicole we were going to take the Christmas tree down this weekend. She looks at us and ask if we are going to take it back to the tree farm. I had to explain to her that the saw only works one way. We would put it out by the street to be recycled. She still wants to take it back to the farm. Does super glue work on trees? I know it works on fingers. And If I took it back, would they give me $45.

The Newest Fad Toy

2007-12-31T05:58:00.000-05:00

Try the New Sandbox Hero Game from Old Fashioned Arts!!!!

Stand in line for hours in the freezing cold. Tell your parents that all of the cool kids already have one. Ogle the gigantic 456 color package that screams 'Buy me'. Plunk down $159 dollars to buy the really cool toy for 2008. Get it home with eager antcipation and tear into the package. It comes complete with everything you need to plug and play. Your kid will spend hours enjoying this game.

Open the box and you find......... plastic pail, plastic busket, and three plastic sand molds.

But the chances are your kid may be the only kid on the block who has one.

Watching kids play

2007-12-27T23:18:00.000-05:00

We have company this week and they have an equally energetic three year old. Watching the two of them wrestle play and laugh makes me realize that having friends is not easy. You have to learn to love them even after they push you down and hog all of the toys. Learning to share is harder for Nicole, since she spends so much time with just me. In time, she wil learn.

Best line of the day from the parents........"Don't throw Poo."

Pronoun Practice and santa Guilt

2007-12-23T11:58:00.000-05:00

Our two year old looked at us last night and said "I am me and you are you." She also made the appropriate finger points. She has a future as a philosophy major.

I am also hoping we get another few years out of Santa guilt. We keep saying he won't come if she misbehaves, but I know better.

Emeril, no need to worry

2007-12-21T08:02:00.000-05:00

I am not a good cook. But, I do most of the cooking anyway. My in-laws have come for the holidays and it is good to see them. I get along with them great and now I know why. I baked chicken and made my very unspecial parmesan potatoes and threw in a boiled vegetable for nutrition. It was horrible, maybe even beyond horrible, but I am not sure of a word for that. We'll go with horrible plus. My in-laws grimaced (trying to turn away) and ate it, smiling in my direction all the time. They really are good people, like we say in the south. My little food critic passed on a great review of my culinary delight as she piped up with "this is really bad." I had to agree with her two year old assessment. Two thumbs down for me.

I really ought to stick with reheating store bought rotisserie chicken, Digiorno, and cooking over open fire. Like most guys, I can grill. This is helped by the fact that my wife likes her food grilled to a delicate shade of black.

I just can't cook. My idea of spices is the Spice Girls, the early version, when they were still chunky. I actually like the chunky one that got fired for refusing to lose a few pounds. Not the anorexic group that is starting to tour again. And the former chunky one needs a cheeseburger (or fifty). The heck with UNICEF, I am going to send food to Posh, Mel B, and the girls.

Santa's Lap

2007-12-20T08:04:00.000-05:00

I walk by a line of nerds waiting for the store's only Wii. Twenty seven people in line for one Wii. Somehow the math doesn't make sense. Luckily, I am not after one.
My two year old finally sat on Santa's lap this year. A scary enough proposition, since he smelled vaguely of Wild Turkey, or Aqua velva. She would get no more specific than 'presents'. Well, this non-drinking at the moment Santa was happy to here that.We buy her an art easel and an entire collection of paints, markers, crayons, etc. to decorate her artwork with. I have visions of repainting the walls every six months now.
Woohoo, got Xmas shopping done early!!! Until three days ago, she said she wanted a .......... pony. Oh my higher power!! We can't get a real pony and she understood that. So, we set off to find her a toy pony. Only one requirement....no lead painted toys from China.
On second thought, I think I will join the nerds in the Wii line..... I have a better chance of coming home with one.

Sick Toddlers

2007-12-19T05:19:00.000-05:00

There is nothing more frustrating than a sick toddler.. One minute they are going 90 miles per hour and the next minute they are crying. Or, even worse, they are ralphing. Little ones have really mastered the art of projectile vomiting. My little one had an upset stomach all day yesterday. I had an inkling something was wrong when she took a three hour nap, just not normal I kept going back to check on her, but she was just snoozing away. The quote of the evening was when she said "I have a headache." Michele said "really, where does it hurt?" Nicole answered " I have a headache in my tummy." We smiled and realized tomorrow I might work on an anatomy lesson.

Object Permanence

2007-12-13T09:01:00.000-05:00

The term object permanence stands for children knowing things are there even after they can no longer see them. Experts say that is one of the benefits of playing Peek-a-boo. If you live in the Mid-south, the game is called Peep-eye. Over the last few months I have become aware of the term in its use for toddlers. We allow the little one to watch an occasional video, but try to limit her daily viewing time. She has been obsessed lately with Cars (the movie). She knows how it is going to end, but she has watched it 39 times to be sure. Object Permanence.

My Daughter------Elmer Fudd

2007-12-06T07:13:00.000-05:00

We see my wife off every morning as she goes down the stairs into our basement garage. About a month ago, Nicole pipes up with 'Drive Careflwee'. It is now a staple of the ritualistic morning good bye. I don't know if Michele drives any safer because of those words. But, I feel confident that it at least sends her off with a smile.

I don't want to work.......

2007-12-04T16:32:00.000-05:00

Last night's trip home form the pizza place was eye opening.

I sing "I don't want to work, I just want to bang on the drum all day." Repeatedly.

Nicole sings "No one is sleeping on the night of Christmas eve, hoping that Santa will be here, Rocking around the Christmas tree." Repeatedly.

Our own little version of battle of the bands. Nicole pipes up with "Daddy, shut up" in a very polite tone.

Michele explains to her that it isn't nice to say shut up to people. Nicole sits alone for a minute than says "but you say it to daddy." I almost wreck as I am laughing so hard. I look at Michele and she is laughing also. Of course, for the next few weeks, she will think 'shut up' is funny.

In Michele's defense, she has probably said that to me three times in the past year (and it was deserved each time). Methinks the little one will never forget anything we say.

On a better note, I got my contract in the mail for my fourth book! Yeah!

Tweet Tweet

2007-11-28T06:40:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, our house became a nest. Nicole looked at me and said "I love you, daddy bird". I answered that I loved my baby bird. She turned to Michele and said "I love you, mommy bird". She crawled into bed for a nap and pulled the covers around her, siad she was making a nest. I wish she could teach the family to fly, How cool would that be?

We Need a Bigger Tree

2007-11-27T08:01:00.000-05:00

A fun family tradition is encouraging our daughter (34 months) to help decorate the tree. We even had her help when she was 10 months old. All families do this and it is a great bonding time. You may break a few ornaments along the way, but that is okay. We had just about finished the tree, when the little one pipes up with 'Mommy, I have the bicycles to hang on the tree'. We look at each other and laugh. We definitely need a bigger tree.

The Perfect Tree....

2007-11-25T08:13:00.000-05:00

We set out yesterday in search of the perfect christmas tree. We are fortunate to live in an area near many tree farms, so we always make a day of it. We decided to get a tree with a root ball this year we could replant. Hunting the internet, we find a farm that has 'B and B' trees in many varieties. It is in the opposite direction from the majority of the tree farms, but the trade off of replanting the tree is worth it. We look at dozens of trees and the owner assures us that they can dig up any tree they have. We pick out a perfect specimen. My wife waits while I go get the owner. He then tells me that nobody at work that day can dig it up. We have to cut one down....bummer. The entire day became worth it when Nicole walks over to a little two foot tree and wraps her bright red muffler around it. She said it needed a decoration. It is moments like this that make life priceless. Luckily, we recorded it on film. By the way, I thought mufflers were only on cars.

Tis the Season.....

2007-11-23T06:54:00.000-05:00

Tis the season for mangled lyrics. My little star loves music. Lately, she has taken to singing along with any song she hears. She will evensing along with a song the first time she hears it. With christmas music taking over the airwaves this is making for some interesting words. She started singing Santa Clause is Coming to Town last night and stopped in the middle and proclaimed that she "I don't know all of the words to this song." I hope that doesn't stop her from singing. I still love when she sang 'Baa Baa Black Sheep, happy any wool?" She sang that wrong for a year, I didn't correct her. It is one of those cute kid things I hope I always remember.

Peanuts????

2007-11-19T05:27:00.000-05:00

About a year ago, we went on a carriage ride pulled by a magnificent draft horse. Nicole was amazed by the horse. We bought her a toy Breyer-sized draft horse. Upon opening the package, we both chuckled since the toy is anatomically correct. And I feared that one day she would ask me the name of that part. I am not a prude by any means, but how am I going to describe that.

Privates, private parts, man-thing, big willie and the twins, penis....I know all the experts say penis, but the thought makes me nervous. I am afraid my wife will have to give the birds and bees talk, although I also know I need to get over it. I opt for horse parts first time she asked about six months ago. My wife chided me when I told her. Okay, I'll get over it.

Last night, she points at the horse part again, asks and the wife answers 'penis'. About five minutes later, she says 'Is the peanuts where the horse goes poopy?'.

We look at each other and smile. I love being a dad. Our little girl brings us such joy!

What Not To Wear---Manstyle

2007-11-17T16:11:00.000-05:00

My wife is working so I take the little one to a photo shoot. She picked out the outfit, I was just supposed to get her to laugh and smile. The photo shoot goes off fabulously and my little pumpkin is gorgeous. My wife looks at the pictures three days later and is mortified. I put the dress on backwards. It looked good to me; I thought the buttons were supposed to go in the front. I now have to take her back for another round of pics. My wife was mad, but I have now doubled the size of Nicole's wardrobe....

Minnie Van

2007-11-15T04:32:00.000-05:00

"Daddy, we are driving a mini-van", says Nicole (almost 3) from the safety of her car seat cocoon.

"Yes, we are" said me.

"But, there is no Minnie or Mickey, or any of their friends."

It is talks like these that make me laugh. I also understand why it takes years to master English. In high school, we take four years of English. In Barcelona, do they take four years of Spanish? In Paris, do they take four years of French? Methinks not.

Wish Me Luck

2007-11-13T06:20:00.000-05:00

I figure I will do 258 loads of laundry over the next three weeks. We are starting potty training. I am not sure I believe the book writers who say it can be done in 24 hours, but it sells books!

The price of gas

2007-11-08T16:55:00.000-05:00

We were watching Free Willy, when the whale burps. I ask her if she had ever seen a whale burp before. She looks at me and says "whales burp and they poot too". She then tells on all the whole family as she says "Daddy poots, I poot, and Mommy poots, too." No gas shortage at this house. Luckily, it was just the two of us. I feel confident she will share that in the future at a most inopportune time.

Muppets and Air Guitars

2007-11-07T22:05:00.000-05:00

Watching the CMA Awards with family tonite. Nicole picks up a book and begins playing an air guitar. Good luck with that, she might get musical talent from somewhere but not from Dad. LeeAnn Rimes is another that I can add to the living Muppet list. She joins Julia Roberts and Peter Gammons.

My Daughter the Axe Murderer

2007-11-03T20:32:00.000-04:00

My wife and I were just goofing around at the house today playing with Nicole. We laughed, played and did all of the family stuff. Nicole looks at us and says "I was just killing you." We look at each other stunned.......... until we realize she meant she was just "kidding" us. Kids say the darnest things.

Imagine......

2007-11-02T08:14:00.000-04:00

Imaginary friends are normal. Nicole now has a friend called "Dater". She will explain that Dater is sitting next to her. She will put covers over her when she lays down. Yesternight in the bath tub, Dater went swimming by. Man, Dater is really fast. I had an imaginary friend, but it wasn't until high school. Her name was Cindy Crawford and she existed in every one of my dreams......

Kids are smarter than us.

2007-10-30T08:44:00.000-04:00

Kids leave out unneccessary words in sentences. We don't really need articles like a, an, and the. Articles were invented by sadistic English teachers. Kids invent words also. This morning, my little pumpkin explained to me that something happened 'yesternight'. It may not be in Websters, but it should be.

The Sweetest Words......

2007-10-25T13:56:00.000-04:00

The sweetest words in the world are when Nicole (or my wife) say 'I love you'. For the last few months, everytime Nicole says it out of the blue, I would say back to her "those are the sweetest words you can say to anybody". For the last few days, she's been saying "I love you those are the sweetest words you can say to anybody" in one long, fast run-on sentence. I think "you have just won the powerball jackpot" might be sweet also. But until that happens, I'll opt for either of my sweeties saying those three little words.

Toys....

2007-10-25T09:11:00.001-04:00

With all the uproar over toy recalls, I ahve decided I am only going to let Nicole play with good old American footballs. Until I look at the tag of her smallest football......MADE IN CHINA. They don't even play the sport, but they still make the toys. I am hoping that there may be a few toy companies left in the US. I am not against foreign made goods, but I want the little one to be safe.

Food Bribery

2007-10-24T19:34:00.000-04:00

Our little one eats pretty well, she gets that from her daddy. But, she occasionally turns her nose up at foods she used to love; her current unfavorite is tomatoes. She used to scarf them down like they were dessert. Now, we have to bribe her to eat them. We promise her more chicken if she will eat just two bites of tomatoes. She does and gets the chicken. Notice, we didn't bribe her with chocolate. Dad ate that all by himself after she went to bed.......

Thank heaven for little girls

2007-10-23T06:02:00.000-04:00

Thanks to my daughter I now know what the Pase Doble is, even if I don't know how to spell it. TV watching sure has changed for my wife and I in the last two years. Gone are all the intial shows (CSI, NCIS, and SVU). They have been replaced by Dancing With the Stars. The only fear I have from that show is that Nicole will grow up thinking the female dancers wear the correct amount of clothes. I hope only my wife and I see her belly button until she's..........oh, 21 or so. I would say 30, but if that is the case she may end up living with us forever.

Now, stop that......

2007-10-21T12:25:00.000-04:00

We lay down for a nap. She falls asleep, then I get up usaually. But we often have aritual we go through first. She "wants daddy's arm", which means she wants my arm under her head. "Roll over and hold me" is the next request. As she struggles to go to sleep, her next request I must deny. Our faces are inches apart when she chimes "stop breathing". I am an agreeable dad, but I draw the line there.

Print paws

2007-10-18T14:06:00.000-04:00

I know the experts say you are supposed to say words correctly when your daughter says them wrong. You are not supposed to correct them, just say them correctly and she will catch on. Phoooey on the experts. Some words are cuter the way a toddler says them. My current favorite is "print paws" for pawprints. I will not correct her and I also don't repeat it back to her. I feel confident she won't go to college saying it wrong. But if she does, I am going to recommend Clemson or a similar school.

Maybe Rachel Ray started this way......

2007-10-17T18:58:00.000-04:00

We went shopping today, me and my personal assistant. A quick trip to the grocery store was all that was on the agenda. I give Nicole one bag of groceries to carry up the stairs. Memo to self- never again buy a house with a basement garage. I'm putting groceries away and she is just too quiet. I ask her what she is doing. The tiny voice answers "just cooking some food in my kitchen" from the other room. Since Santa delivered a toy kitchen for christmas, I have eaten 123,111 fake snacks. So, no big deal. Until, I walk around the corner. Well, I found out what she did with her bag of groceries. She is smiling at me and says "I am making cookies." I look down to see a toy pot full of toothpaste. The kitchen, her shirt, and her face also were covered in the most beautiful shade of blue. 3 washcloths, 1 load of laundry later, I have learned a valuable lesson.......Crest-flavored cookies taste horrible!

Who needs drugs, we've got the Doodlebops!

2007-09-04T15:56:00.000-04:00

We are going to Disney this upcoming week. My wife is a Disney fanatic and my daughter is becoming one. I am not anti-Disney, but they are a money making machine (excuse me, I digressed). They are having a toddler weekend featuring the Doodlebops. We don't watch much tv, so I was unaware. We bought a video to let her see them first. The other family we are meeting has a three year old Disney expert. We have to prepare our kid. It is kind of the kid version of 'keeping up with the Jones'. No rock star alive needs drugs, just buy any video of The Doodlebops. All of the sixties music must have been written after watching the Doodlebops. If they show this at all AA meetings, we would not have a drinking problem in this country.

Billy Joel, she ain't!

2007-08-28T16:27:00.000-04:00

If Janet Jackson is the queen of the Rhythm Nation, I would be the king of the Rhythmless Nation. My music skills are limited. Hell, they are non-existent. I did convince my daughter that 'Daddy sings like the angels'. But even at two and a half she didn't beleive that for long. I am in the car today and a tiny voice pipes up from the backseat. "Sing me the song, Piano Man." I had to laugh. Of course, I heard it for the next thirty minutes. Not on key and using a new melody.....she's a chip off the old block.

At least they don't melt in your hands.

2007-08-21T08:57:00.000-04:00

2 and a half is a great age, but in reality all ages have been great (so far). My daughter looks at me and says "An M+M will make my boo-boo feel better." I can't resist, so we share a king size bag on the way home from the grocery store. Just a normal king size bag, not the three pounder. This summer I saw a bag of M+Ms with a handle!!!!! The problem with M+Ms is the bag is always gone before midnight, regardless of size. I suspect that you can buy M+Ms in forty pound bags somewhere, just like dog food. Check your local Sam's, Costco, BJ's and get back to me.

Good to be home again!

2007-08-13T11:52:00.000-04:00

Well, I am back from a month at grad school. UVa in Physics Education, I am a part time geek. I also coach high school football to balance out my geekiness. I'm glad to be home. I came home on the weekends, but only had about 30 hours before it was time to head back up the highway. I could literally see my daughter grow from week to week. At least the rest of the degree is online. Of course, football cranks up now. I will be doing M,T and Friday. Not full time, but enough for the adrenaline rush. The best part of coaching for me has always been building relationships with kids. That is harder by not being at the school, but not impossible. Nicole is 2 and 1/2 now, so full speed ahead. I also have fifty things on the honey-do list. Hi-ho, Hi-ho........

H-Ho, Hi-Ho, It's off to school I go.......

2007-07-08T06:33:00.000-04:00

I'm off to school for a month. I will be home on the weekends, but M-F will be hitting the books. Not sure what the little one will do. I went last summer, but she was younger then. My parents are coming for two weeks, then the in-laws for two weeks. Will she still remember what I look like?

The Rocket's Red Glare......

2007-07-05T06:27:00.000-04:00

We set up lawn chair to watch fireworks from a mile away. Sippy cup full of water and snacks at the ready. The firework arcs gracefully through the air and explodes in a dazzling array of color. My daughter cries.......she is scared. We console, we reassure, but nothing works. We leave. Fireworks join Santa on the list of things that scare her. Now, if I can only find a way to get boys on that list before she reaches junior high (or whatever they call it now).

Something for me

2007-07-03T08:03:00.001-04:00

I want something for me. A polite way of asking for anything, Of course, that is better than what I used as a kid. I just hollered "Gimme". Still do sometimes, but my wife doesn't always give in.

Leakage

2007-07-01T06:52:00.000-04:00

My two year old buried her ehad in the couch. "My eyes are leaking", she said. She really didn't want to get up.

Short Arms

2007-06-30T06:34:00.001-04:00

Reading primarily children's books for the last year has let me escape one major dilemma. My arms are too short! I finally had to break down yesterday and buy reading glasses. I can still do Dr Suess without them, but boxscores take the oh-so-attractive specs. I am going to buy ten pairs from the dollar store, since I am prone to breaking glass objects. That trait was a lot of fun when there were hundreds of baby food jars around the house.

The Baby Blues

2007-06-29T07:58:00.000-04:00

I realize that my child is now full grown. She answers questions in complete sentences now. She is only 2 and 1/2 years old. I also figured I had ten years before boys would be a problem......I am probably naive. Last week, at her newfound favorite restaraunt, she spotted a boy of about fpur years of age. She looked at me and said "He's cute!" I live in the south, so I have already ordered a shotgun.