The Newest Fad Toy

Try the New Sandbox Hero Game from Old Fashioned Arts!!!!

Stand in line for hours in the freezing cold. Tell your parents that all of the cool kids already have one. Ogle the gigantic 456 color package that screams 'Buy me'. Plunk down $159 dollars to buy the really cool toy for 2008. Get it home with eager antcipation and tear into the package. It comes complete with everything you need to plug and play. Your kid will spend hours enjoying this game.

Open the box and you find......... plastic pail, plastic busket, and three plastic sand molds.

But the chances are your kid may be the only kid on the block who has one.

Watching kids play

We have company this week and they have an equally energetic three year old. Watching the two of them wrestle play and laugh makes me realize that having friends is not easy. You have to learn to love them even after they push you down and hog all of the toys. Learning to share is harder for Nicole, since she spends so much time with just me. In time, she wil learn.

Best line of the day from the parents........"Don't throw Poo."

Pronoun Practice and santa Guilt

Our two year old looked at us last night and said "I am me and you are you." She also made the appropriate finger points. She has a future as a philosophy major.

I am also hoping we get another few years out of Santa guilt. We keep saying he won't come if she misbehaves, but I know better.

Emeril, no need to worry

I am not a good cook. But, I do most of the cooking anyway. My in-laws have come for the holidays and it is good to see them. I get along with them great and now I know why. I baked chicken and made my very unspecial parmesan potatoes and threw in a boiled vegetable for nutrition. It was horrible, maybe even beyond horrible, but I am not sure of a word for that. We'll go with horrible plus. My in-laws grimaced (trying to turn away) and ate it, smiling in my direction all the time. They really are good people, like we say in the south. My little food critic passed on a great review of my culinary delight as she piped up with "this is really bad." I had to agree with her two year old assessment. Two thumbs down for me.

I really ought to stick with reheating store bought rotisserie chicken, Digiorno, and cooking over open fire. Like most guys, I can grill. This is helped by the fact that my wife likes her food grilled to a delicate shade of black.

I just can't cook. My idea of spices is the Spice Girls, the early version, when they were still chunky. I actually like the chunky one that got fired for refusing to lose a few pounds. Not the anorexic group that is starting to tour again. And the former chunky one needs a cheeseburger (or fifty). The heck with UNICEF, I am going to send food to Posh, Mel B, and the girls.

Santa's Lap

I walk by a line of nerds waiting for the store's only Wii. Twenty seven people in line for one Wii. Somehow the math doesn't make sense. Luckily, I am not after one.
My two year old finally sat on Santa's lap this year. A scary enough proposition, since he smelled vaguely of Wild Turkey, or Aqua velva. She would get no more specific than 'presents'. Well, this non-drinking at the moment Santa was happy to here that.We buy her an art easel and an entire collection of paints, markers, crayons, etc. to decorate her artwork with. I have visions of repainting the walls every six months now.
Woohoo, got Xmas shopping done early!!! Until three days ago, she said she wanted a .......... pony. Oh my higher power!! We can't get a real pony and she understood that. So, we set off to find her a toy pony. Only one requirement....no lead painted toys from China.
On second thought, I think I will join the nerds in the Wii line..... I have a better chance of coming home with one.

Sick Toddlers

There is nothing more frustrating than a sick toddler.. One minute they are going 90 miles per hour and the next minute they are crying. Or, even worse, they are ralphing. Little ones have really mastered the art of projectile vomiting. My little one had an upset stomach all day yesterday. I had an inkling something was wrong when she took a three hour nap, just not normal I kept going back to check on her, but she was just snoozing away. The quote of the evening was when she said "I have a headache." Michele said "really, where does it hurt?" Nicole answered " I have a headache in my tummy." We smiled and realized tomorrow I might work on an anatomy lesson.

Object Permanence

The term object permanence stands for children knowing things are there even after they can no longer see them. Experts say that is one of the benefits of playing Peek-a-boo. If you live in the Mid-south, the game is called Peep-eye. Over the last few months I have become aware of the term in its use for toddlers. We allow the little one to watch an occasional video, but try to limit her daily viewing time. She has been obsessed lately with Cars (the movie). She knows how it is going to end, but she has watched it 39 times to be sure. Object Permanence.

My Daughter------Elmer Fudd

We see my wife off every morning as she goes down the stairs into our basement garage. About a month ago, Nicole pipes up with 'Drive Careflwee'. It is now a staple of the ritualistic morning good bye. I don't know if Michele drives any safer because of those words. But, I feel confident that it at least sends her off with a smile.

I don't want to work.......

Last night's trip home form the pizza place was eye opening.

I sing "I don't want to work, I just want to bang on the drum all day." Repeatedly.

Nicole sings "No one is sleeping on the night of Christmas eve, hoping that Santa will be here, Rocking around the Christmas tree." Repeatedly.

Our own little version of battle of the bands. Nicole pipes up with "Daddy, shut up" in a very polite tone.

Michele explains to her that it isn't nice to say shut up to people. Nicole sits alone for a minute than says "but you say it to daddy." I almost wreck as I am laughing so hard. I look at Michele and she is laughing also. Of course, for the next few weeks, she will think 'shut up' is funny.

In Michele's defense, she has probably said that to me three times in the past year (and it was deserved each time). Methinks the little one will never forget anything we say.

On a better note, I got my contract in the mail for my fourth book! Yeah!

Tweet Tweet

Yesterday, our house became a nest. Nicole looked at me and said "I love you, daddy bird". I answered that I loved my baby bird. She turned to Michele and said "I love you, mommy bird". She crawled into bed for a nap and pulled the covers around her, siad she was making a nest. I wish she could teach the family to fly, How cool would that be?

We Need a Bigger Tree

A fun family tradition is encouraging our daughter (34 months) to help decorate the tree. We even had her help when she was 10 months old. All families do this and it is a great bonding time. You may break a few ornaments along the way, but that is okay. We had just about finished the tree, when the little one pipes up with 'Mommy, I have the bicycles to hang on the tree'. We look at each other and laugh. We definitely need a bigger tree.

The Perfect Tree....

We set out yesterday in search of the perfect christmas tree. We are fortunate to live in an area near many tree farms, so we always make a day of it. We decided to get a tree with a root ball this year we could replant. Hunting the internet, we find a farm that has 'B and B' trees in many varieties. It is in the opposite direction from the majority of the tree farms, but the trade off of replanting the tree is worth it. We look at dozens of trees and the owner assures us that they can dig up any tree they have. We pick out a perfect specimen. My wife waits while I go get the owner. He then tells me that nobody at work that day can dig it up. We have to cut one down....bummer. The entire day became worth it when Nicole walks over to a little two foot tree and wraps her bright red muffler around it. She said it needed a decoration. It is moments like this that make life priceless. Luckily, we recorded it on film. By the way, I thought mufflers were only on cars.

Tis the Season.....

Tis the season for mangled lyrics. My little star loves music. Lately, she has taken to singing along with any song she hears. She will evensing along with a song the first time she hears it. With christmas music taking over the airwaves this is making for some interesting words. She started singing Santa Clause is Coming to Town last night and stopped in the middle and proclaimed that she "I don't know all of the words to this song." I hope that doesn't stop her from singing. I still love when she sang 'Baa Baa Black Sheep, happy any wool?" She sang that wrong for a year, I didn't correct her. It is one of those cute kid things I hope I always remember.

Peanuts????

About a year ago, we went on a carriage ride pulled by a magnificent draft horse. Nicole was amazed by the horse. We bought her a toy Breyer-sized draft horse. Upon opening the package, we both chuckled since the toy is anatomically correct. And I feared that one day she would ask me the name of that part. I am not a prude by any means, but how am I going to describe that.

Privates, private parts, man-thing, big willie and the twins, penis....I know all the experts say penis, but the thought makes me nervous. I am afraid my wife will have to give the birds and bees talk, although I also know I need to get over it. I opt for horse parts first time she asked about six months ago. My wife chided me when I told her. Okay, I'll get over it.

Last night, she points at the horse part again, asks and the wife answers 'penis'. About five minutes later, she says 'Is the peanuts where the horse goes poopy?'.

We look at each other and smile. I love being a dad. Our little girl brings us such joy!

What Not To Wear---Manstyle

My wife is working so I take the little one to a photo shoot. She picked out the outfit, I was just supposed to get her to laugh and smile. The photo shoot goes off fabulously and my little pumpkin is gorgeous. My wife looks at the pictures three days later and is mortified. I put the dress on backwards. It looked good to me; I thought the buttons were supposed to go in the front. I now have to take her back for another round of pics. My wife was mad, but I have now doubled the size of Nicole's wardrobe....

Minnie Van

"Daddy, we are driving a mini-van", says Nicole (almost 3) from the safety of her car seat cocoon.

"Yes, we are" said me.

"But, there is no Minnie or Mickey, or any of their friends."

It is talks like these that make me laugh. I also understand why it takes years to master English. In high school, we take four years of English. In Barcelona, do they take four years of Spanish? In Paris, do they take four years of French? Methinks not.

Wish Me Luck

I figure I will do 258 loads of laundry over the next three weeks. We are starting potty training. I am not sure I believe the book writers who say it can be done in 24 hours, but it sells books!

The price of gas

We were watching Free Willy, when the whale burps. I ask her if she had ever seen a whale burp before. She looks at me and says "whales burp and they poot too". She then tells on all the whole family as she says "Daddy poots, I poot, and Mommy poots, too." No gas shortage at this house. Luckily, it was just the two of us. I feel confident she will share that in the future at a most inopportune time.

Muppets and Air Guitars

Watching the CMA Awards with family tonite. Nicole picks up a book and begins playing an air guitar. Good luck with that, she might get musical talent from somewhere but not from Dad. LeeAnn Rimes is another that I can add to the living Muppet list. She joins Julia Roberts and Peter Gammons.

My Daughter the Axe Murderer

My wife and I were just goofing around at the house today playing with Nicole. We laughed, played and did all of the family stuff. Nicole looks at us and says "I was just killing you." We look at each other stunned.......... until we realize she meant she was just "kidding" us. Kids say the darnest things.

Imagine......

Imaginary friends are normal. Nicole now has a friend called "Dater". She will explain that Dater is sitting next to her. She will put covers over her when she lays down. Yesternight in the bath tub, Dater went swimming by. Man, Dater is really fast. I had an imaginary friend, but it wasn't until high school. Her name was Cindy Crawford and she existed in every one of my dreams......

Kids are smarter than us.

Kids leave out unneccessary words in sentences. We don't really need articles like a, an, and the. Articles were invented by sadistic English teachers. Kids invent words also. This morning, my little pumpkin explained to me that something happened 'yesternight'. It may not be in Websters, but it should be.

The Sweetest Words......

The sweetest words in the world are when Nicole (or my wife) say 'I love you'. For the last few months, everytime Nicole says it out of the blue, I would say back to her "those are the sweetest words you can say to anybody". For the last few days, she's been saying "I love you those are the sweetest words you can say to anybody" in one long, fast run-on sentence. I think "you have just won the powerball jackpot" might be sweet also. But until that happens, I'll opt for either of my sweeties saying those three little words.

Toys....

With all the uproar over toy recalls, I ahve decided I am only going to let Nicole play with good old American footballs. Until I look at the tag of her smallest football......MADE IN CHINA. They don't even play the sport, but they still make the toys. I am hoping that there may be a few toy companies left in the US. I am not against foreign made goods, but I want the little one to be safe.

Food Bribery

Our little one eats pretty well, she gets that from her daddy. But, she occasionally turns her nose up at foods she used to love; her current unfavorite is tomatoes. She used to scarf them down like they were dessert. Now, we have to bribe her to eat them. We promise her more chicken if she will eat just two bites of tomatoes. She does and gets the chicken. Notice, we didn't bribe her with chocolate. Dad ate that all by himself after she went to bed.......

Thank heaven for little girls

Thanks to my daughter I now know what the Pase Doble is, even if I don't know how to spell it. TV watching sure has changed for my wife and I in the last two years. Gone are all the intial shows (CSI, NCIS, and SVU). They have been replaced by Dancing With the Stars. The only fear I have from that show is that Nicole will grow up thinking the female dancers wear the correct amount of clothes. I hope only my wife and I see her belly button until she's..........oh, 21 or so. I would say 30, but if that is the case she may end up living with us forever.

Now, stop that......

We lay down for a nap. She falls asleep, then I get up usaually. But we often have aritual we go through first. She "wants daddy's arm", which means she wants my arm under her head. "Roll over and hold me" is the next request. As she struggles to go to sleep, her next request I must deny. Our faces are inches apart when she chimes "stop breathing". I am an agreeable dad, but I draw the line there.

Print paws

I know the experts say you are supposed to say words correctly when your daughter says them wrong. You are not supposed to correct them, just say them correctly and she will catch on. Phoooey on the experts. Some words are cuter the way a toddler says them. My current favorite is "print paws" for pawprints. I will not correct her and I also don't repeat it back to her. I feel confident she won't go to college saying it wrong. But if she does, I am going to recommend Clemson or a similar school.

Maybe Rachel Ray started this way......

We went shopping today, me and my personal assistant. A quick trip to the grocery store was all that was on the agenda. I give Nicole one bag of groceries to carry up the stairs. Memo to self- never again buy a house with a basement garage. I'm putting groceries away and she is just too quiet. I ask her what she is doing. The tiny voice answers "just cooking some food in my kitchen" from the other room. Since Santa delivered a toy kitchen for christmas, I have eaten 123,111 fake snacks. So, no big deal. Until, I walk around the corner. Well, I found out what she did with her bag of groceries. She is smiling at me and says "I am making cookies." I look down to see a toy pot full of toothpaste. The kitchen, her shirt, and her face also were covered in the most beautiful shade of blue. 3 washcloths, 1 load of laundry later, I have learned a valuable lesson.......Crest-flavored cookies taste horrible!

Who needs drugs, we've got the Doodlebops!

We are going to Disney this upcoming week. My wife is a Disney fanatic and my daughter is becoming one. I am not anti-Disney, but they are a money making machine (excuse me, I digressed). They are having a toddler weekend featuring the Doodlebops. We don't watch much tv, so I was unaware. We bought a video to let her see them first. The other family we are meeting has a three year old Disney expert. We have to prepare our kid. It is kind of the kid version of 'keeping up with the Jones'. No rock star alive needs drugs, just buy any video of The Doodlebops. All of the sixties music must have been written after watching the Doodlebops. If they show this at all AA meetings, we would not have a drinking problem in this country.

Billy Joel, she ain't!

If Janet Jackson is the queen of the Rhythm Nation, I would be the king of the Rhythmless Nation. My music skills are limited. Hell, they are non-existent. I did convince my daughter that 'Daddy sings like the angels'. But even at two and a half she didn't beleive that for long. I am in the car today and a tiny voice pipes up from the backseat. "Sing me the song, Piano Man." I had to laugh. Of course, I heard it for the next thirty minutes. Not on key and using a new melody.....she's a chip off the old block.

At least they don't melt in your hands.

2 and a half is a great age, but in reality all ages have been great (so far). My daughter looks at me and says "An M+M will make my boo-boo feel better." I can't resist, so we share a king size bag on the way home from the grocery store. Just a normal king size bag, not the three pounder. This summer I saw a bag of M+Ms with a handle!!!!! The problem with M+Ms is the bag is always gone before midnight, regardless of size. I suspect that you can buy M+Ms in forty pound bags somewhere, just like dog food. Check your local Sam's, Costco, BJ's and get back to me.

Good to be home again!

Well, I am back from a month at grad school. UVa in Physics Education, I am a part time geek. I also coach high school football to balance out my geekiness. I'm glad to be home. I came home on the weekends, but only had about 30 hours before it was time to head back up the highway. I could literally see my daughter grow from week to week. At least the rest of the degree is online. Of course, football cranks up now. I will be doing M,T and Friday. Not full time, but enough for the adrenaline rush. The best part of coaching for me has always been building relationships with kids. That is harder by not being at the school, but not impossible. Nicole is 2 and 1/2 now, so full speed ahead. I also have fifty things on the honey-do list. Hi-ho, Hi-ho........

H-Ho, Hi-Ho, It's off to school I go.......

I'm off to school for a month. I will be home on the weekends, but M-F will be hitting the books. Not sure what the little one will do. I went last summer, but she was younger then. My parents are coming for two weeks, then the in-laws for two weeks. Will she still remember what I look like?

The Rocket's Red Glare......

We set up lawn chair to watch fireworks from a mile away. Sippy cup full of water and snacks at the ready. The firework arcs gracefully through the air and explodes in a dazzling array of color. My daughter cries.......she is scared. We console, we reassure, but nothing works. We leave. Fireworks join Santa on the list of things that scare her. Now, if I can only find a way to get boys on that list before she reaches junior high (or whatever they call it now).

Something for me

I want something for me. A polite way of asking for anything, Of course, that is better than what I used as a kid. I just hollered "Gimme". Still do sometimes, but my wife doesn't always give in.

Leakage

My two year old buried her ehad in the couch. "My eyes are leaking", she said. She really didn't want to get up.

Short Arms

Reading primarily children's books for the last year has let me escape one major dilemma. My arms are too short! I finally had to break down yesterday and buy reading glasses. I can still do Dr Suess without them, but boxscores take the oh-so-attractive specs. I am going to buy ten pairs from the dollar store, since I am prone to breaking glass objects. That trait was a lot of fun when there were hundreds of baby food jars around the house.

The Baby Blues

I realize that my child is now full grown. She answers questions in complete sentences now. She is only 2 and 1/2 years old. I also figured I had ten years before boys would be a problem......I am probably naive. Last week, at her newfound favorite restaraunt, she spotted a boy of about fpur years of age. She looked at me and said "He's cute!" I live in the south, so I have already ordered a shotgun.